I am a 71 year old, privately vowed solitary. How did that come
to be? In 1959 I converted to Catholicism. Because I believed that I
had a monastic vocation, I spent many years trying to be received into
various communities. All said that at 30, I was too old. Rules were
more rigid in those days before Vatican II. Also when I was a
Protestant, I had been married and divorced and so needed a
dispensation from Rome.
I left the church in great discouragement during the Vietnam
war to focus on social issues. Then during several camping trips in
the Ozarks I was befriended by a monk from the Trappist community in
Ava, MO. I confessed, returned to the Church and again began to seek a religious community.
A priest friend from the Catholic Worker House in Kansas City, Mo
advised me to find a secluded place for prayer and meditation.
Eventually I found a cabin in the Mark Twain National Forest
about 4 miles from the abbey at Ava, MO. I had electricity, but no
water, heat or plumbing. I hauled water in gallon jugs from an
abandoned abbey and spent the first week caulking and filling areas
between boards with newspaper. I also had to cut wood to fit the
potbellied stove. I had never lived in the country, but as each
challenge presented itself, the Holy Spirit guided me to an answer or
a resource. I received many gifts of healing and other gifts. I am
still in contact with my spiritual director there and consider the
monks at Ava as family.
I returned to live in the Kansas City area in Merriam, KS and
in 1991 I was given permission by my spiritual director to make private Benedictine vows. My parish priest
heard my vows during a communion ceremony. A Benedictine sister who
had worked at Catholic Worker House was my formal witness along with
40 friends and associates. I made 5 vows: poverty, chastity,
obedience, stability, and reformation of my life.
I have lived alone in a HUD apartment for 21 years. I am now a
member of the Sanctuary of Hope Community, which has a staff of seven
who live on the property and many associates who support the mission
by prayer, work and giving. I support them with my prayer and my life and I have named my little home Sanctuary of Hope
Solitude. I am usually bedfast because I have many illnesses.
The government pays a private agency for a kind and good woman
to assist me here. Two volunteers from Good Shepherd bring communion
to me. During my years as a solitary my psyche has been healed of many
negative effects of numerous instances of abuse and I feel very
blessed.
